I often call myself oppositional. Because for the majority of my life I was a very reactive person.
In fact, I used to tell an ex-boyfriend that the easiest way to get me to do something was to tell me I cannot do it.
This aspect of me was nothing more than a coping strategy my subconscious created in order to deal with the environment around me.
Most of what I saw growing up were submissive, compliant and very unhappy and disempowered people. So to me compliant = miserable and oppressed.
Is there any wonder why I chose to live my life very differently?
As I grew up most of my choices were driven by a desire for freedom and independence. I never wanted to be like them. And I thought that by doing, and being, the opposite I would find the fulfillment that, on some level, I knew they were lacking. I wasn’t going to let my past determine my future.
What I failed to realize then is that, in truth, those experiences were still driving my behavior.
Yes, I was driving in a different direction, but the destination was still the same. Because I was making life choices based on the fact that I didn’t want to be like my mother.
In our society, letting go of the past is a popular thing. In fact, it is what most people consider healing. We believe that by behaving in the opposite way it means we have let go of the hold those painful experiences have on us.
I disagree.
This idea that by doing the opposite of what was done to you, you are letting go of the past is incomplete.
If you chose a path solely because it is the opposite of what you experienced, the past is still controlling your choices. You are dealing with an unhealed wound.
As I became more conscious and started healing my childhood wounds, I understood that growth is about becoming more conscious about your choices and what motivates them. That I could instead use my past experiences as context to dive into what is truly in alignment with who I am and what I want to experience and create in this world.
We can integrate the wisdom of our past experiences and use them as a springboard to awareness. And through that process of becoming aware and understanding our wounds, we can then make conscious choices.
Whether we end up being similar to our mothers, or the opposite of them, or anywhere in between, our actions come from a place of conscious choice. A choice not based on a fearful or oppositional reaction, but one that is tuned into our souls and honors our needs and desires.
I am a Spiritual Life Coach & Emotional Healer who came to this work as part of my own healing journey. I am a Certified Practitioner of Teal Swan's The Completion Process (CP), a Certified ARCH Healing® Practitioner (C-AHP) and a Certified Soul Realignment™ Practitioner. I completed Dr. Gabor Mate's Compassionate Inquiry Masterclass. And, I am also a co-author of the Amazon Bestselling book Woke: A-ha's, Awakenings, & Illuminations on the Path to Conscious Living & ENLIGHTENMENT and several other works.